I am 43 now I've drank for over twenty years killing time on a bar stool smoking cigarettes one after another thinking about stuff that really didn't matter anything to be depressed about I would think it been fighting that evil demon alcoholism for a long time since I was 15.
I now have a label on me through other peoples eyes including my children.
I started drinking at the age of 15 I had gotten drunk at a friends house and man did I ever get sick said then I would never do that again then a couple of weeks later oh I didn't do the hard stuff no more I switched to beer I could consume a couple of quarts be OK then a six pack then a twelve pack then it went to a case every weekend.
I am known as a alcoholic. I considered myself a weekend alcoholic if there is such a thing. I didn't have to have booze but it would ease my feelings.
I could have done with out it and should have when I was younger but didn't have the right tools to get through depression and the way I felt in life it's hard to explain people used to say oh that's just a excuse.
So I would take the easy way out find some beer at friends houses and party the weekends my mom worked in a bar and my dad passed away when I was two I never had a real childhood growing up it's no excuse the past is the past but at the time there was stuff bothering me I could not fight the emptiness I was feeling the loneliness and alcohol took that away.
as a part of my recovery I learned how to deal with and except the past and put it behind me it was not my fought.
I thought to my self what a shame! I look back and seen all the crap I put my family through including my self. in and out of jail for driving under the influence leaving bars heading home sounds innocent enough at the time.
I would like to know when they come up with breathalyzers who did they test was it a one time drinker that weighs a 100Lbs or was it some 200Lb alcoholic that has a beer for breakfast and goes to work everyday drinks from day light til dark, do the test read the same?
Could someone who knows leave me a comment on this subject
Thanks
Reason I ask I know people who has slept and woke up went through half the day without drinking and would still read on a meter because they drink all the time and you would not be able to tell even after a case of beer that he was drinking unless you got close to him or did a breathalyzers how did they come up with the 0.08 as a legal stage of intoxication it really could be lower then that depending on the size of a person or how much hes used to?
People want to know I would think
I now carry this with me daily the label of being a alcoholic. now that I am sober I can't go back and make up time I have wasted being wasted. one day I found out I really have a illness and have been self medicating my self for many years it was hard to except and change.
back when I grew up doctors didn't know much about bipolar, Adhd, depression, I am not trying to make excuses. but tell me what kind of idiot would keep being a repeat offender of a crime such as driving under the influence...unless there was something wrong with them, cause no one in there right mind would keep repeating the offense. I asked my self that more times then you know after sobering up on a jail cell floor.
which I now have bipolar and had for many years and did not know. it has made me think about my life more it took a long time to get to where I am now I do still drink because I chose not to take medication I don't even want a drink I would only drink if I got depressed or on weekends when I was lonely. seemed there was not anything else to do. I would not get sh#@* faced but I was intoxicated according to the law. I know drinking a driving has hurt and killed a lot of Innocent souls and it's sad. I myself was one of those people who thought oh I am OK to drive in my mind I really was. I always asked my self if I thought I would be OK to get home I have never had a accident, I drove a semi and concrete truck for fourteen years sober I would never drive drinking or drunk in a work truck.
I should have known better to operate a vehicle while intoxicated you would think not only was my licence my bread and butter but with all the training I had to get my cdls to be able to operate a semi and a concrete mixer.
before we go to far I did not hurt no one nor anything like that Thank God!
I have never had no accedent do to drinking drunk or sober.
I do know a couple of people serving time for killing someone while driving under the influence and is now doing 8 yrs and probably should be doing more. I really thought at one time to try and understand the accusers side of it but as I thought more on it.
what if it was my child or one of my family members we chose to get in the vehicle and drive drunk or high we had that right not to but the victim did not have that right even if it didn't look like it was the fought of a drunk driver still if he had not been drinking or on dope who is to say it could have been avoided if they was not under the influence.
because these are Innocent victims that was either killed or injured by a person or persons using drugs & or alcohol maybe both who knows but the consumer.
well enough for now I will come back and re live my past with you later when I get more time I am going to go have a Ice Cold drink
of Ice tea
Gotcha ! I know this subject is no joke I take it very serious now.
I really hope this will help someone someday explaining my story.
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